It's a been a funny old week this week. The world somehow manages to continue down a very scary path. Whether that be ongoing conflicts and international political shenanigans or the endless stream of reports and studies that show we are heading into the oblivion with regards to climate and the environment more generally, or the mindless madness that is gun ownship and (the lack of) controls in the US. Not to mention here in the UK, Chief Clown in charge, Bozo Johnson somehow clinging on to power, despite the endless stream of lies, deceit and general charlatan behaviour, and the Tory party in general who can't see beyond the edge of their own self interest, greed and profiteering - with the odd sex pest criminal in there for good measure. The Royal Family throwing a puke inducing soiree for Old Lizzie on the one hand while bailing out the Grand Old Paedo of York to the tune of many millions of our diminishing-in-value (not so) Great British Pounds. They're so far out of touch with reality, never mind the average man/woman on the street, all whilst we're in the midst of so many different crises and things visibly crumbling all around us. Pardon my Francais, but what the fuck is going on? That's without even mentioning Gorilla Herpes or the improving (because nobody is being tested anymore) Covid situation. Hey, as long as Ricky Gervais gets cancelled though and people with zero connection to whatever the Depp / Heard nonsense was about get to kick off their next witch hunt, that's the main thing, eh? So much distraction, so little time to deal with the existential issues at hand.
So, having gone a bit gung-ho there (out of frustration), allow me to offer up some more of my own inane nonsense to distract you for the briefest of moments. Mix / Selection number 23 of the year. I'm quite surprised to have got this far given I feel like I've been banging my head against a wall for the most part. I've felt like knocking this on the head so often, yet here I am again, typing into the void. I still don't know where I'm going with this, or much else really. I feel detached from the world; I don't really feel like I have a place, or fit into it anywhere. I don't feel or see how I am able to change that either.
So far, there has been over 26 hours of music posted by the way of mixes / selections. Mostly from my record shelves with a good chunk from my digital collection, across multiple genres, collected and curated over many years. Each cover image has been a photograph I have taken myself (aside from the peace lily / pale blue dot) and manipulated / edited through various apps or programs. Even the ones that don't look like a photograph started out as a photograph that has been chopped, altered and spat out in a different form. I've sat for hours typing out the tracklists and mumped and grumped my way through the blog (it's where my headspace has been unfortunately), doing my best to find and link up where you can buy the music legally, supporting the artists and labels that feature here each week. Not to mention the social media nonsense, the setting up an Instagram account to promote this effort only to be kicked off for no apparent reason.
When I started posting mixes online many years ago now, it was generally for myself and one or two friends who pushed me to do it. Even this blog was started off the back of that encouragement. Over time others tuned in and I thought I had somehow started to find myself within a network of like minded souls - for someone that's always been on the outside that was a big thing. But it appears to have gone full circle, and really, I'm back to posting them for myself in the most part - although that was far from the aim for this at the start of the year, it seems to be where I find myself.
Considering the lack of traction, the lack of engagement and my "circle" having been exhausted a long time back, I think it unlikely there will be any further donations to my page, the last one (aside from my own donations from a percentage of selling some of my vinyl) was over 3 months ago now. I see other people posting Just Giving links to Twitter and I contribute to them when I have seen any, target goals that are set significantly higher than I have set for my page get smashed in days - for great efforts like runs, or just because it's their Birthday and want to raise money because it's their Birthday, not actually doing anything. It's really disheartening and as I think I've mentioned before, it's a constant reminder, week in, week out, of just how small my circle / support network actually is, that's pretty spirit crushing to be honest.
Before I post this weeks mix, I want to say one more thing. I genuinely only wanted for people to chip in a small donation IF they enjoyed this mixes I was posting and of course they were in a position to do so. I really didn't want people donating out of pity and I definitely didn't want people pretending to engage with my posts. If it's not sincere, then I don't want it. I'd sooner have 1 or 2 plays / engagements that are genuine. At least that let's me know where I stand, rather than giving me false hope or the impression that anyone is interested in what I'm doing.
That was a fair rant and ramble today, apologies, clearly needing to get some things off my chest.
Now. Anyone for a marmalade sandwich?
Tracklist
Andrew Lang - Stark Light (Rusted Tone Recordings)
A Veil Of Water - I Walk With Ghosts (Hidden Vibes)
Endless Melancholy - Still (Hidden Vibes)
Gamardah Fungus - Life Long Journey (Hidden Vibes)
A Winged Victory For The Sullen - There Is One Of Which Your Never Speak (Artificial Pine Arch Manufacturing)
BMRN - Going Down Fighting (eilean rec.)
Brusgenerator - That Was Then, This Is Now (Whitelabrecs)
Carbon Based Lifeforms - Submerged (Self Released)
Penelope Trappes - Nervous (Houndstooth)
Jo Johnson - Discontent Arises From A Knowledge Of The Possible (Self Released)
Dag Rosenqvist - Leave Everything You Love Behind (Hidden Vibes)
Porya Hatami - Restless (DRONARIVM)
Domenique Dumont - Watching Boats Pass By (Leaf)
ZH2 - Ocean Waves (Self Released)
Jörgen Kjellgren - Evening Lul (Past Inside The Present)
Robert Cole Rizzi - Water Stream Skamling (Self Released)
Claire Deak - Dampen The Waves (Past Inside The Present)
