What Now? (Part 3)

What Now? (Part 3)

30 December 2021

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It's only about 7 months later than intended, but I finally got around to doing the third and final part to the series of 'What Now?' mixes. If you didn't catch the first couple (and going by the play counts, not many did), you can find out what is behind them and listen to them [HERE] for part one, and [HERE] for part two. Part three is in the player below. Recorded live, one take, no planning and I've not listened to it before posting, so please accept it, warts and all.

 

It was always my intention to have three parts to this and the "artistic" approach I wanted to have was to reflect moving out of a dark space in terms of mental health, to gradually shift toward a healthier and more hopeful outlook and have this reflected in the tone / feel of the music that was used. I don't think I achieved that, either in the musical output, nor in the personal sense; if anything that's worse than it ever was. That said, I'm still here, I'm still trying to find ways to move forward in a positive sense, so that's something to be grateful for. 

Another thing I'm very grateful for is that my older Irish Red Setter (Ruby), who had a freak accident chasing a tennis ball in August, causing her to have what was effectively a stroke on her spine and leaving her paralysed is making slow but steady progress. Her walking is clumsy at times, and there is some way still to go, but to go from being told euthanasia was the most realistic course of action to where she is now, well it's nothing short of amazing and shows the strength of will she has to not only carry on living, but to push herself to get to a better place. Of course, it hasn't been easy going on her humans, but there is no way the we would give up on her whilst there was a glimmer of hope.

Here's a little video of her climbing a small hill at her favourite place on 25th December, 2021. To go from being completely paralysed to this in the space of fourth months just blows my mind.

Moving on, another thing that I was disappointed and disheartened by in 2021 was that I had started the year with a sense of motivation to get myself feeling better within myself. I signed up for a charity cycle event in support of Sue Ryder who helped care for my Mum in the last 3 years of her life. I was building up my activity levels, doing longer and more challenging walks and started going out for short cycles to prepare myself for the 100km challenge I had signed up to. Then things started falling apart a little and I started feeling under the weather which has been an ongoing theme this year, I found myself having to go to A & E with kidney pain and then of course Ruby had her accident, added on to losing my Mum last December and feeling pretty lost and lacking direction, it's all been a bit more than my brain can handle. Throw in the covid situation and a raft of other personal matters, it mounts up.

I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to get back on track, but I'm still at a loss. One thing I have been thinking about is to try and do some fundraising for Sue Ryder in some capacity. I'm not sure how, but one idea I had was to do a weekly mix / selection, by way of a challenge to myself really, and have a just giving page linked so that if people happen to stumble across a mix / selection and like it, they may want to chip in the equivalent of the price of a coffee to the page. Truth be told, I'm not sure my head is in a good enough space to commit to something, as much as I want to. Perhaps I'm just overthinking and worrying about it, but it's a reflection of how I am and I'd give anything to be able to change that space I'm in. Let's just see how things unfold in 2022 shall we? I'm not optimistic about how things are going in general, what with covid, the climate and the polarisation in our society. Let's hope that in a year from now we can look back and feel we've made progress on all fronts!

As ever, thank you for taking the time to visit, read my personal rambles and for having a listen to the selection. If you enjoyed any of the tracks within, please consider supporting the artists and buying their music or merch. I'll link up the tracklist below as I usually do.

Tracklist

01. D. Rothon - The Ghost We Bring (Clay Pipe Music)

02. Glacis - You Are Born (Preserved Sound)

03. Hania Rani - Ghosts - from Pradziady (Gondwana Records)

04. Cass. - Let's Keep Us Close Until We Die (ft. Altars Altars) (Home Normal)

05. Amanda Whiting - Gone (Jazzman)

06. Laraaji - Illusion Of Time (Ahead Of Our Time)

07. Greg Foat - Motherly Love (Strut)

08. Trigg & Gusset - Blue Shades (Preserved Sound)

09. Andrew Wasylyk - Avril Hydrangeas (Clay Pipe Music)

10. ambientsketchbook - Life's Greatest Questions (Self Released)

11. Good Weather For An Airstrike - All Is Lost (ft. Jamie Brett) (Hawkmoon Records)

12. Ezra Feinberg - Letter To My Mind (Related States)

13. Kryshe - Fragile (Serein)

14. José González - Head On (Imperial)

15. Leifur James - Time (Night Time Stories)

16. Phi-Psonics - Mama (Nightnote Records)

17. Slow Meadow - Tethered To The Earth (Self Released)

18. Luke Howard Trio - A Plane Of Becoming (Hobbledehoy)

19. Matthew Halsall - Reflections (Gondwana Records)

20. Penguin Cafe - Protection (Erased Tapes)

21. Portico Quartet - Gateway (Gondwana Records)

22. The Cinematic Orchestra - Wait For Now / Leave The World (Ninja Tune)

23. Thomas Méreur - Left Behind and Irretrievably Lost (Preserved Sound)

24. The Search Party - So Many Things Have Got Me Down (Ole Smokey Instrumental Edit)

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Discogs Store Update - October 2021

Discogs Store Update - October 2021

13 October 2021

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A year or two ago I decided I needed to filter out some records from my shelves. Not that I want to get rid of them, but I do need to free up some space and raise some funds too. It's also a shame for them to sit on a shelf and not be played, after all, that is their purpose.

The process I've gone through has been that I went through my shelves and pulled the ones I thought I'd be "okay" with letting go, putting them to one side. I've been listening to them as I list them on Discogs, if after listening to them I decide I'm still "okay" (I'm not really) with letting them go, it gives me a chance to grade them as well as I can. Not to say the odd thing won't slip through the net, but I think it's the best process, but also the slowest.

Having said that, I think I'm nearing the end of the process. I've sold some records over the last couple of years and I've got around 500 listed for sale as I type. I still have a pile of 20-30 that are almost certain to be added, but after that I'm going to start listening to the remaining records. It might be the case that the odd record here or there will be added, but there won't be a huge amount more getting added for now, although I do have a couple of dozen that are blocked from sale on Discogs, so I'll see if I can offload those on Ebay at some point.

 

If you are interested, you can find a link to my Discogs store on the right hand side of the page. Most records are less than £5, and the genres range from downtempo to techno, jazz to house, ambient to afrobeat. My music tastes are wide ranging, so the records reflect that.

If you happen to pick something up from me on Discogs after visiting the blog, please do let me know, it would be interesting to find out if any traffic from here ends up there. I strongly doubt it.... the blog is still hitting several thousand "views" a month but this doesn't feed through into plays on Soundcloud or Mixcloud, so any feedback would be welcome and appreciated.

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Restore The Soul

Restore The Soul

5 October 2021

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Honestly, I have not even been on my blog since I last posted here on 1st May. The site could have been hacked, deleted and turned into a lonelyfans promotional hub and I'd have been none the wiser. It does seem that each time I have an extended period away from posting that the world descends further into chaos, it definitely feels like humans are on a particular trajectory.

 

On a personal level, I continue to find life challenging and slightly completely rudderless since my Mum departed in December. Obviously the Covid situation hasn't helped and is something most of us are finding challenging in one way or another, but aside from that I've had some health issues getting on top of me and actually ended up in hospital on the day I was supposed to get my first Covid jab. I'm not great with needles anyway, they don't mix well with anxiety and overthinking, but I did put my big boy pants on and went for my first jab a couple of weeks ago. I still hadn't been clear on it due to health issues but aside from a painful arm, a little nausea and tiredness for a couple of days after, it was fine, and I get those things fairly often anyway because of how I feel in general.

 

The other issue that's been keeping me away from here, and generally not engaging in much else, is that Ruby, the older of my two Irish Red Setters was involved in a freak accident on August 1st. Whilst out at her favourite walk, doing her favourite thing in chasing tennis balls, she experienced a Fibrocartilaginous Embolism (FCE for short), which resulted in her being completely paralysed at the back end. Initially in a lot of pain, but then followed into no pain at all but no movement, no feeling and no control of bladder or bowel function. Long story short, following some very expensive vet involvement, we were told she would be unlikely to recover if there was no improvement after 48 hours and to consider euthanasia. After discussions with several people who understand the condition or have dealt with it themselves, we opted to give her a week to see if there was any improvement. There was improvement, but it was very, very minimal and the future remained uncertain. The vet wasn't very supportive or helpful, although the nursing team were great and minor improvements continued over the next week or so - once she regained better control of bowel and bladder, it was time to take her home. She has been home for around 7 weeks now - although she isn't walking unaided, she is getting there. She is given physio 4 times a day, she is walked in a field behind the house with the help of a sling although I can now drop the sling for short periods and she will attempt to walk herself (although it looks like she has drunk a litre of vodka), she can sit well, she can turn herself in her bed, there are hardly any toilet accidents now and she can stand and eat / drink. None of these were possible when we took her home. She is now attending hydrotherapy and also gets acupuncture once a week, so everything that can be done to help her recover is being done.

 

Ruby back home.

 

In between, I've occasionally been posting some records on to Discogs for sale, some mostly reluctantly, but I do need to raise funds and clear some space too. Free time has been very limited, and often that free time also finds me feeling exhausted, or perhaps dealing with pain / tiredness linked to health issues. When I have had a moment, I've been trying to get out and do little jobs in the garden to get some sunshine and fresh air. It doesn't feel like more than a few weeks since we breathed a sigh of relief at winter and snow disappearing over the horizon, and now it feels like it is knocking on the door again. What I haven't been doing is keeping myself active online and putting mixes together - in fact, I hadn't plugged my equipment in since the last mix I posted (Reflect guest mix) and had to try and ignore the accumulated dust on my gear to put this selection together. This is not normal for me.

 

In recent years I've been moving a bit more away from the 4/4 / house / tech music sound, don't get me wrong, there's lots I still love about it, but I feel more disconnected from it now, maybe age, maybe the way life has twisted and turned, but I gravitate towards music that connects to me in a deeper sense than just making me want to shake my hips to a rhythm (not that I don't still like that and indulge when nobody is looking 🤫 ). Probably not really describing any of this particularly well, but for me it's music the reflects a mood or a feeling or a moment in life. I suppose, if you know, you know, if you don't, no amount of poorly assembled words from me will make that any clearer.

 

I still have a few ideas for "mixes" in the back burner of my mind. When or whether they see the light of day, who knows. It's been in my thoughts as to whether it is worth me continuing to pay for a web domain and hosting mixes on the likes of Soundcloud. Play counts have dropped off hugely in recent years.... aside from a Mexican wedding company who seem to have my mixes on a loop for some reason. If Le Glam Marriage should venture on here, feel free to fly me over and put me up so I can play some tunes in person 😆 (yeah, as if that would happen).

 

Anyway, until the next time..... take care of yourself and those who you love and care about.

 

-------------------------------

 

If you enjoy any of the music in this selection, please purchase / follow / support the artists and labels so they can continue to do what they are good at!

 

Tracklist

01. Luftrum - Dawn Chorus (Self Released)

02. Andrew Wasylyk - Blossomness #2 (Clay Pipe Music)

03. D. Rothon - The Ghost We Bring (Clay Pipe Music)

04. Trigg & Gusset - Blue Shades (Preserved Sound)

05. Amanda Whiting - After Dark (Jazzman)

06. Nat Birchall - Mirror Mind (Ancient Archive Of Sound)

07. Ishmael Ensemble - The River (Reprise) (Severn Songs)

08. Dwight Trible ft. Matthew Halsall - Deep River (Gondwana)

09. Yusef Lateef - Like It Is (Music On Vinyl)

10. Chip Wickham - Pushed Too Far (Lovemonk)

11. Katya Wonder - Mood (Meteron)

12. Arooj Aftab - Last Night (New Amsterdam Records)

13. Warren Hampshire - Eye Of The Deluge (Athens Of The North)

14. Luke Howard Trio - Phases (Hobbledehoy)

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Sellers Remorse

Sellers Remorse

1 May 2021

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Back in 2019 I decided that I needed to thin out some of my vinyl collection. I need to find some space for future purchases and I could do with raising some funds too. I do get sellers remorse with most things I sell but I need to be sensible too.

I had a busy and successful Ebay store many moons ago, before care became the main focus of my life, but felt it best to go with Discogs Marketplace this time. I'm not 100% certain that's the right thing to do, but I've been using and contributing under a different guise to Discogs since it's first year of existence, waaaay before the Marketplace become a thing. In terms of keeping it simple, it's the way to go, although I may not achieve the higher prices that can sometimes be found via Ebay.

I sold a few bits and pieces from my collection in 2019, but then some 'life' things got in the way, the whole covid thing took hold and then losing my Mum late last year. I'm still grappling with things, still very unsure about which direction to go, but I thought a good start would be trying to do a bit more around music, which has been the saving grace for me and has been for as long as I can remember.

So, as you may (or may not have noticed) I've already posted 3 mixes this year What Now? Part 1 & Part 2, as well as my first guest mix for quite some time, which I called Reflect and was put together for Corsica One. I've got another mix to do in the coming weeks and one or two others that I've loosely been thinking about. My mixes don't get as much plays as they once did but I'm going to keep plugging away whilst I find enjoyment from it.

Aside from the mixes though, I've also started selling via my Discogs Store page. At the moment it's only vinyl and the records I have for sale are the ones that were already graded and up for sale in 2019 (but taken down), although I've a few boxes of CD's to shift too. The vinyl I'm selling is mostly from the last 10 years or so, although there will be some older stuff too and it is very eclectic with everything from Soul to Techno, Ambient to Jazz, House to Trip Hop and everything in between. I'm slowly working my through it all, playing and listening to each record as I list for sale, with the aim being to be as accurate with my grading as possible. I always look to keep prices on the competitive side but I did buy these at retail prices, some I take a loss on and others seem to have gone up in value, so I'm hoping it'll even itself out.

If you're a vinyl head, feel free to check out the links and see if anything takes your fancy and keep your eyes posted for new additions.... I've got a good 300 or so still to get listed.

 

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Reflect - Guest Mix for Corsica One

Reflect - Guest Mix for Corsica One

16 April 2021

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Over the last ten years I've been very grateful and flattered to have been asked to contribute guest mixes / shows to various platforms, like Hypnotic Groove, Box Frequency, Sequenchill and Balearic Social. I honestly don't feel like my mixes are worthy of that attention so when I'm asked to contribute to somebody's platform it gives me a bit of a buzz.

 

Those of you who have read previous posts will know and understand why I hadn't been doing much in the way of mixes over the last year or so, and I'd had very little in the way of interaction with people from music circles, probably as a result of being quiet and me deleting my Facebook. I certainly had no opportunities to do any guest selections, so when Alessio from Corsica One asked if I'd like to do a selection for him to host on his Mixcloud after he'd caught my recent What Now? selections, I jumped at the chance. I'd really like to try and get my "mojo" back and get into some kind of groove again having had a difficult time of things over recent years, so it was really good timing for me and hopefully I'll be able to build a little momentum from here.

 

As with all my mixes, it's unplanned and recorded in one take, which always makes me feel a little nervous when sharing, especially when I've done it for someone else. You'll find the linked up tracklist below the Mixcloud player. If you enjoy any of the music on here, please purchase the music and support the artists and labels.... and any likes, shares on your social media etc are always much appreciated.

 

You can find some more great mixes / music from Corsica One and various guests at the following links. Check them out and give a follow if you like what you see and hear.

Mixcloud  //  Apple Music  //  Facebook // Twitter  //  Bandcamp // Blog

 

 

Tracklist

 01. Biosphere - From A Solid To A Liquid (Biophon)

02. Cosmic Neman - ProximaB (Tigersushi)

03. Sun Electric - Love 2 Love (Music From Memory)

04. Jo Johnson - Discontent Arises From A Knowledge Of The Possible (Self Released)

05. Pauline Anna Strom - The Eighteen Beautiful Memories (RVNG Intl.)

06. Soundstory - Rainstorm (Self Release)

07. Etienne Jaumet - Orage Dans Le Creuse (Tigersushi)

08. Jonathan Fitoussi & Clemens Hourriére - Five Steps (Versatile)

09. Carbon Based Lifeforms - Dreamshore Forest (Analog Remake) (Leftfield Records)

10. James Bernard - UWA10 (A Strangely Isolated Place)

11. Masayoshi Fujita  & Jan Jelinek - Workshop For Modernity (Faitiche)

12. David Moufang - Sergio Leone's Wet Dream (Music From Memory)

 

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What Now? (Part 2)

What Now? (Part 2)

17 March 2021

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Well, here we are again. Perhaps surprisingly, I've managed to put together a second part to my 'What Now?' mix from a few weeks ago. Go me! There are one or two bits that I think could be better in terms of effects and transition, but it's a one take, completely unplanned and live mix, warts and all.  

Here's the player to get your listen on, with a wee blog post below...

 

 

In that last blog post I did kind of open up a little on how I've been feeling. When I say 'a little', I really mean that. I'm quite open on the topic of mental health and well-being when it comes to generalities. When it comes to the specifics and the details that actually matter most, I'm not that good on it. Apart from the privacy issue I'm also cognisant of the fact we all have our issues, demons and histories. Who wants to hear about mine? Even more so under the current climate of Covid and divisive politics.

I also mentioned in my last blog post that I really consider the blog to be a personal space to let off some steam as well as being for me to share some music and mixes, and following the last blog post I had a couple of messages from people with some words of encouragement to keep pushing on for better days ahead. I do find it hard to keep things positive because historically the next bump has never been far from dealing with the previous one, but I really appreciated the messages and people taking the time to have a read and to respond, so thank you for that. 

The cliched but sound advice of 'take a day at a time' is really where I am at. Trying to not get too burdened by what may lay ahead, or carry the stress and upsets of times gone by; I think a day at a time is what I should keep my focus on. I've got some loose thoughts about what I'd like to do in terms of a couple of other mixes, I'd also like to get my Discogs or Ebay store up and running at some point but there's no time frame on any of it for now. If you keep an eye out in the usual places you'll be kept in the loop.

For now, thank you for checking in, thank you for having a listen and I hope you find some sounds that hit the right spot. If you do, please support the artists and labels by purchasing their music.  

Take care, look out for one another, and here's hoping for better days ahead for all of us! 

Tracklist

1. Polaroid Notes - Close To Heaven (Whitelabrecs)
   
2. Mathieu Karsenti - Time To Go (Slowcraft Records)
3. Hector Plimmer - Joyfulness (Alexa Harley's Acapella Rework) (Albert's Favourites)
4. Abstract Aprils - Falling Falling Falling (Self Released)
5. One Million Eyes - Eustress (A Strangely Isolated Place)
6. Peter Broderick - A Year Without Summer (Erased Tapes)
   
7. Greg Foat - After The Storm (Strut Records)
   
8. Ben Lukas Boysen - Kenotaph (Erased Tapes)
   
9. Hania Rani - Leaving (Gondwana Records)
   
10. Andrew Wasylyk - A Further Look At Loss (Athens Of The North)
    
11. Julianna Barwick - Healing Is A Miracle (Ninja Tune)
    
12. Thinnen ft. Olga Wojciechowska - Memories (Self Released)
    
13. Nat Burchill - A Prayer For (Gondwana (CD) / Jazzman (LP))
    
14. Alice Coltrane - Prema (Antartica Starts Here)
    
15. Mammal Hands - Solitary Bee (Gondwana)
    
16. Katya Yonder - Mood (Méteron Records)
    
17. Hampshire & Foat - End Song (Athens Of The North)
    

 

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What Now? (Part 1)

What Now? (Part 1)

24 February 2021

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I've written an opening paragraph and deleted it, written a better one and deleted that and repeated this process several times now. Truth be told, I don't know how to begin this long overdue blog post and as I type I don't really know the direction the post is going to take either. I really feel like I could just sit and type and splurge so much out in one large incoherent mess but probably best if I can try to avoid that. I guess what I've got down so far constitutes an opening paragraph. How about I post the player for a new mix I've thrown together first off, then take things from there? (I'll post the tracklist at the bottom of this post as I usually would do, and provide links wherever I can).

 

Although I did jump on to share an excellent mix from Tom Middleton via A Strangely Isolated Place mid-2020, it's been just over a year since I've even touched my equipment to put something together. I've continued buying music through the last year but the urge to share it in some mixes just hasn't been there.  I think it's probably reflective of where I'm at and the fact that it's been an exceptionally tough year for everyone. I doubt many people will catch this post let alone read this far, but for those that do make it here, I hope that you and your loved ones are healthy and coping with the situation we find ourselves in.

On a personal level I'd be lying if I said anything other than this; I'm not coping very well at all. Where do I go from making that statement? The answer is probably along the lines of "what does it matter?". The adage of speaking out and reaching out doesn't seem to count for much, at least in my own experience.

I think it fair to say that my current position in terms of mental health hasn't been helped by the loss of my Mum from complications around Pneumonia and her longer term health issues at the start of December 2020, but in all honesty things weren't good for a long time before that. I don't think it would be unfair to say that she really cheated death several times in recent years and did remarkably well to fight the difficulties that Multiple Sclerosis brought into her life. The past few years in particular were extremely difficult for her, not only dealing with losing all motor functions, relying on others for the simplest of tasks most of us take for granted, but also having a constant stream of infections that eventually became ever present and a deterioration in her cognitive capacity. Despite all that she did remarkably well to never complain and was always happy for you spending time with her, especially taking in some flowers to brighten her room, a wee cake and a coffee. I'm gutted to not have my Mum around any more but it's also a relief that she isn't having to suffer any more and on a personal level not having to watch helplessly as she deteriorated noticeably with each passing week.

The best part of a decade of my life was almost entirely centred around my Mum and the systems involved in providing care, and even longer on the wider impact it's had in other aspects of life. It really was like a full time job for much of that time. The thing is, nobody looking in would have ever known that to be the case. Even Mum didn't really understand the time and mental and physical exhaustion these circumstances brought (which is how I wanted it to be for her) and none of the agencies you'd hope and expect to rely upon were much support and often put more difficulties and hurdles in the way. As I type this, I sit and wonder what the point is. Nobody listened before, they're certainly not going to listen now, so I suppose I type this for my own cathartic reasons, although even that is scant relief.

I suppose the long story short is that a lot of the reasons for neglecting the blog (for several years in reality) should be fairly evident given what I've typed above. I'm not sure what the future holds in any sense right now, let alone this place which was always a costly labour of love. All I can feel at the moment is that I'm pretty lost, don't see any direction and can't see which way to move in order to address a lot of the issues that have weighed heavy over a number of years. I suppose keep a loose eye on here of on Twitter and you'll have a fair idea how that's going.

This mix was put together live with no planning at all other than having a loose idea of one or two of the tracks I wanted to include. It kind of fits with my mood where it feels quite emotional, almost heavy with it at times and is punctuated with the odd moment of hope, light and motivation. Despite the place that I find myself, there are people in a far worse position and I need to be mindful of that, grateful for what I do have whilst I have it and try to find something positive if even for the briefest of moments on any given day. I'm aiming to have a Part 2 done for this at some point which I want to take a slightly different form in terms of genre, whether it happens, or how long it takes is another matter.

Anyway, if you've made it to this point, well done for listening to my rambling and moaning. I've always said it's become a combination of being a music blog and a personal blog, so I suppose that's what we've got here.

As usual, if you enjoy any of the music on this mix, please buy the music and help support the artists and labels. If that support was ever needed, it's now. Until the next time, take care of yourself and each other.

Tracklist

1. Kinder Scout - Interlude (Home Normal)
2. Charles Bukowski - Go All The Way (Read by Tom O' Bedlam) 
3. David Cordero & Miguel Otero - Dolores (Archives)
4. Slow Meadow - We Can Only Love Through Suffering (Hammock Music)
5. Agnes Obel - Stretch Your Eyes (Ambient Acapella) (Late Night Tales)
6. Endless Melancholy - Lost (Hidden Vibes)
7. William Ryan Fitch - VII: In A Sense Of Ether (Lost Tribe Sound)
8. Sven Laux & Daniela Orvin - A Moment Of Silence (Dronarivm)
9. Luke Howard Trio - I Think It's Sinking In (Lukktone)
10. Yumiko Morioka - Moon Road (Métron Records)
11. Owl - Glimpse Of Decline (Silent Season)
12. Steven Kemner - Sleep Well (Facture)
13. Olga Wojciechowska - To Feel Much More Than Now (Self Released)
14. Daniela Orvin - Sudden Farewell (Dronarivm)
15. SiJ - Memories Lost In Time (Hidden Vibes)
16. A Veil Of Water - Frailty (Hidden Vibes)
17. Brambles - To Speak Of Solitude (Serein)
18. Warmth - You're Not Here (Archives)
19. Hania Rani - Today It Came (Gondwana Records)
20. A Winged Victory For The Sullen - All Farewells Are Sudden (Erased Tapes)
21. Walter D Wintle - State Of Mind (Read by Tom O' Bedlam)
22. Adrian Lane - An Occasional Hushed Word (Preserved Sound)
    

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