Mixamorphosis: 47

I won't be writing a huge amount during the course of this fundraising effort, but I'm taking stock of where I've got to with the first month done and dusted and now onto week 6 and #47 in the year of music. I have to confess, it's hard going already. I'm sure some might think 'meh, it's easy' and 'there's not a challenge there', but it isn't that easy. Or at least it doesn't feel that way for me.

Let me put it out there that in the past 7 weeks I've posted 7 mixes (including this one). The 7 mixes I posted prior to them were posted over the course of nearly 3 years. For me, and I'm sure most people could identify with this, when your headspace / mental health / physical health and other aspects of life aren't clicking or firing on all cylinders, the things you have in the past enjoyed and taken pleasure from don't feel that way. I've been stuck in that place for a long time and every time I post a mix up it's taken a lot of effort to get there. It's a lot of effort to do the very basics in life when things are how they are, so to commit and even get this far feels like something.

I've been slightly disheartened because I'm not sure how to get traction with this, and I end up wondering, do I even want it to get traction? It seems obvious to say that in order to raise funds I need people to listen (and hopefully enjoy the selections enough to chip in (I thought/hoped for like the price of a rubbish coffee or similar). Of course, I'd love to raise as much funds for Sue Ryder as possible, but the other side of me feels like in order to do that as well as possible it means really putting myself out there, trying to draw attention to myself and the challenge, and not having much in the way of confidence (none in actual fact), I really don't want attention or feel in a good place for engaging with people, if truth be told it's all a bit overwhelming. I've pushed through those feelings to an extent and made some light touch efforts like activating an Instagram account to promote things (I really don't want to be on Instagram), I've tagged artists and labels whose tracks I've featured and linked up to on the blog so people can be directed to where they can support labels and artists, but nobody seems to engage with that any more. In years gone by labels and artists would engage with me when I did similar on Facebook, but perhaps the way things are done now has moved on and I've missed the memo, but there's that thing going off in the back of my mind that I'm almost relieved because I'm so used to not having much contact with people, it keeps the status quo intact. I'll just keep plugging away with what I'm doing for now and hope that I can smash my target without much need for much more than I'm doing already.

I didn't mean for this post to turn in to or sound like a grumble and moan, that's not what I want this to be. I want to try and make this a positive endeavour by raising some funds and trying to also treat this as a part of a process to moving myself to a better place. I just felt that I needed to voice the fact that the 'challenge' is actually a challenge on the other side of the screen and pretty much every engagement I have online, even if I'm just shouting into the void like I am here, it's filled with lots of doubts and anxieties.

Anyway, onto the music. This weeks selection is best listened to in a horizontal position with the aid of headphones.

Tracklist

A Model Kit - Fog (Hidden Vibes)

Wil Bolton - Beneath The Forest (KrysaliSound)

The Green Kingdom - Frost Cracks (Dronarivm) << Charity release for War Child

Yeter - Dart-1 (A Strangely Isolated Place)

A.R.T Wilson - Sun Sign Cancer (Growing Bin Records)

Emily A. Sprague - Woven (RVNG Intl.)

Andrew Heath - Headland (Disco Gecko)

David Cordero & Miguel Ortero - Polvera (Archives)

Meitei - Utano (Métron Records)

Aaron Martin - Roots Fall Into The River (Preserved Sound) << Charity release for Mary's Meals