What Now? (Part 3)

30 December 2021


It's only about 7 months later than intended, but I finally got around to doing the third and final part to the series of 'What Now?' mixes. If you didn't catch the first couple (and going by the play counts, not many did), you can find out what is behind them and listen to them [HERE] for part one, and [HERE] for part two. Part three is in the player below. Recorded live, one take, no planning and I've not listened to it before posting, so please accept it, warts and all.


It was always my intention to have three parts to this and the "artistic" approach I wanted to have was to reflect moving out of a dark space in terms of mental health, to gradually shift toward a healthier and more hopeful outlook and have this reflected in the tone / feel of the music that was used. I don't think I achieved that, either in the musical output, nor in the personal sense; if anything that's worse than it ever was. That said, I'm still here, I'm still trying to find ways to move forward in a positive sense, so that's something to be grateful for. 

Another thing I'm very grateful for is that my older Irish Red Setter (Ruby), who had a freak accident chasing a tennis ball in August, causing her to have what was effectively a stroke on her spine and leaving her paralysed is making slow but steady progress. Her walking is clumsy at times, and there is some way still to go, but to go from being told euthanasia was the most realistic course of action to where she is now, well it's nothing short of amazing and shows the strength of will she has to not only carry on living, but to push herself to get to a better place. Of course, it hasn't been easy going on her humans, but there is no way the we would give up on her whilst there was a glimmer of hope.

Here's a little video of her climbing a small hill at her favourite place on 25th December, 2021. To go from being completely paralysed to this in the space of fourth months just blows my mind.

Moving on, another thing that I was disappointed and disheartened by in 2021 was that I had started the year with a sense of motivation to get myself feeling better within myself. I signed up for a charity cycle event in support of Sue Ryder who helped care for my Mum in the last 3 years of her life. I was building up my activity levels, doing longer and more challenging walks and started going out for short cycles to prepare myself for the 100km challenge I had signed up to. Then things started falling apart a little and I started feeling under the weather which has been an ongoing theme this year, I found myself having to go to A & E with kidney pain and then of course Ruby had her accident, added on to losing my Mum last December and feeling pretty lost and lacking direction, it's all been a bit more than my brain can handle. Throw in the covid situation and a raft of other personal matters, it mounts up.

I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to get back on track, but I'm still at a loss. One thing I have been thinking about is to try and do some fundraising for Sue Ryder in some capacity. I'm not sure how, but one idea I had was to do a weekly mix / selection, by way of a challenge to myself really, and have a just giving page linked so that if people happen to stumble across a mix / selection and like it, they may want to chip in the equivalent of the price of a coffee to the page. Truth be told, I'm not sure my head is in a good enough space to commit to something, as much as I want to. Perhaps I'm just overthinking and worrying about it, but it's a reflection of how I am and I'd give anything to be able to change that space I'm in. Let's just see how things unfold in 2022 shall we? I'm not optimistic about how things are going in general, what with covid, the climate and the polarisation in our society. Let's hope that in a year from now we can look back and feel we've made progress on all fronts!

As ever, thank you for taking the time to visit, read my personal rambles and for having a listen to the selection. If you enjoyed any of the tracks within, please consider supporting the artists and buying their music or merch. I'll link up the tracklist below as I usually do.


01. D. Rothon - The Ghost We Bring (Clay Pipe Music)

02. Glacis - You Are Born (Preserved Sound)

03. Hania Rani - Ghosts - from Pradziady (Gondwana Records)

04. Cass. - Let's Keep Us Close Until We Die (ft. Altars Altars) (Home Normal)

05. Amanda Whiting - Gone (Jazzman)

06. Laraaji - Illusion Of Time (Ahead Of Our Time)

07. Greg Foat - Motherly Love (Strut)

08. Trigg & Gusset - Blue Shades (Preserved Sound)

09. Andrew Wasylyk - Avril Hydrangeas (Clay Pipe Music)

10. ambientsketchbook - Life's Greatest Questions (Self Released)

11. Good Weather For An Airstrike - All Is Lost (ft. Jamie Brett) (Hawkmoon Records)

12. Ezra Feinberg - Letter To My Mind (Related States)

13. Kryshe - Fragile (Serein)

14. José González - Head On (Imperial)

15. Leifur James - Time (Night Time Stories)

16. Phi-Psonics - Mama (Nightnote Records)

17. Slow Meadow - Tethered To The Earth (Self Released)

18. Luke Howard Trio - A Plane Of Becoming (Hobbledehoy)

19. Matthew Halsall - Reflections (Gondwana Records)

20. Penguin Cafe - Protection (Erased Tapes)

21. Portico Quartet - Gateway (Gondwana Records)

22. The Cinematic Orchestra - Wait For Now / Leave The World (Ninja Tune)

23. Thomas Méreur - Left Behind and Irretrievably Lost (Preserved Sound)

24. The Search Party - So Many Things Have Got Me Down (Ole Smokey Instrumental Edit)

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